Initiation

Well, it's definitely been an interesting two weeks. Our first week back was pretty much as expected. Grace got to meet her grandparents, great grandfather, great grandmother, a few great aunts and several of our friends. We had an endless stream of food from friends and family in the house and were well taken care of. Good thing too since we probably slept 12 hours per day each of the first 4 days back. We were all adjusting, however, and I prepared to return to work Thursday.

Trouble began, however, about half way through the week when Grace started eating less. In China she would take about 5 full 8oz bottles per day - rarely leaving much behind. About Wednesday, however, she started leaving more behind and protesting when given what she did take. She also ran a low grade fever off and on.

Nothing seemed too serious and we assumed it was just her reaction to all the change - and a couple of more teeth coming in. Also, her first well-baby visit with the doctor was scheduled for Friday and things did not seem too serious. Thursday night, however, there were orange streaks in her diapers and we started to worry.

We saw the pediatrician Friday and by then her temperature was normal. We mentioned the fever, the change in eating habits and the stains. The pediatrician didn't think it was anything specific, but ordered some tests - blood work and a urinalysis. She thought Grace might be mildly dehydrated because of her decreased eating and that the streaks were not blood, but most likely a reaction between the absorbent crystals in the diaper and her slightly more concentrated urine. Since it was late Friday afternoon and Grace didn't have any exceptional symptoms, we planned to take her to the lab for the tests on Monday.

Over the weekend, however, Grace's condition bounced between normal and very frightening. Saturday morning she had a bad case of the chills so we called the pediatrician. They had us start giving her Motrin which helped with the fever. Her appetite, however, was non-existent. We were really starting to worry about dehydration. Things continued like this through Sunday.

On Monday, Grace went to the pediatrician but her fever was not high and there was still no diagnosis. She came home and went down for her mid-afternoon nap. When she awoke, however, things were much worse. She was listless and not interacting with people so Karen made the decision to take her to the ER.

On the way to the ER Grace became completely unresponsive and since she was rear facing in her car seat, Mom could not see whether she was awake or not. Mom started to panic but managed to get Grace to the ER where her fever spiked at 105! She was very sick and somewhat dehydrated and they immediately started her on another does of Motrin and IV fluids. They too, however, thought it was a virus that would pass but took urine and blood samples just to be sure.

When the urine culture came back it confirmed not a virus, but a urinary tract infection. The blood test came back later and indicated that the infection had spread past her bladder and into her kidneys. She was immediately started on IV antibiotics and admitted to the hospital for overnight evaluation.

Grace eventually spent 3 days in the hospital with mom and dad by her side constantly. During this time she had a couple of tests to determine if there was anything about her anatomy that made her more prone to getting these kinds of infections... fortunately they found nothing. Other than being a baby girl (who tend to get these more frequently than other people), she has no particularly higher risk.

She's fully recovered now, though she didn't eat anything for several days. Much of the progress we had made in getting her weight up has been erased, but we should be able to make that up eventually. On the plus side, she was able to be evaluated by a nutritionist and various therapists. They were able to give us a lot of pointers on how to get her on track nutritionally and developmentally. We would have seen them eventually, but being in the hospital made it happen quicker.

So, we're back home now and hopefully settling in to "normal life". I have to wonder what normal is, however. I told several friends at work about what was going on; some where shocked and concerned, others just smiled and said "welcome to parenthood".

Home at Last!

We're finally home with little Grace and just starting to settle in - little jet lagged and confused, but that will change in time. Mom and I still both feel like we're in an airplane when ever we close our eyes. Hopefully that will clear up with more sleep.


The journey home began early Saturday morning (Guangzhou time) and took one bus ride, 3 plane trips, one car ride and 30 hours to complete. Grace was wonderful through all of it - though a little frustrated that she didn't have any room to play on the plane (we're finding that she prefers to have a lot of space to roll around). Everything went smoothly - the flights were on time, customs in LA was easy and our bags all made it.


We spent our last couple of days in Guangzhou shopping. Other than an afternoon trip to the US Consulate to get Grace's visa there was not much more to do. We arrived in Atlanta to find Friends and Family waiting for us and a stocked refrigerator (and more food to come). Most of the time we've been awake today, we've just wanted to sleep. We've only just now had time to down load pictures and collect our thoughts for this blog. Hopefully tomorrow will be more normal.


It's been a long journey - 27 months of waiting and a 3 week oddesey on the other side of the world. Along the way we've enjoyed the support of our friends and family. Without that I don't think we would have made it through everything life has thrown at us during our wait. On our journey we met many wonderful people sharing our experience and hope to keep in touch with them over the years as our daughters grow up. Lastly, we want to express thanks to the local guides who helped us on our trip: Matthew, Michael, Hannah, Jason and Cathy! Without your help we would have been lost.

Guangzhou

We arrived in Guangzhou a couple of days ago - all of us a bit worn out and really ready to get home. We still have a little more waiting to do - after 28 months of waiting for the Chinese to match us with Grace, we now just have a few days to wait for the US government to issue her an immigration visa. In the mean time, we wait, we shop and we rest in Guangzhou.

This city is a stark contrast to Nanning. It's much bigger and much more cosmopolitan. Most importantly, we're not an oddity. While in Nanning, our group were among the few westerners in the city and certainly the only group adopting children. We had the complete attention of the hotel staff - many of whom were absolutely enchanted with our babies. In Guangzhou, however, we're part of a huge crowd of Americans who are here to complete their adoption process.

Every morning there are dozens of children in the dining room for brunch. Most are recently adopted children of various ages, but many are their new siblings who came along for the journey with their parents. In our group there is one family who is adopting their 5th child from China and they brought their two oldest daughters so that they could see their birth country first hand. There are so many children here that Matel has set up a special play room in the hotel. They also present each family with a special edition Barbie doll: "Going Home Barbie", in which Barbie is holding a holding a little Chinese baby.

The other difference between Guangzhou and Nanning is the knowledge of English. In Nanning, English was pretty much limited to some of the hotel staff and our tour guides, Michael and Hannah. In Guangzhou, it's quite common to find people who speak English very well; especially among the vendors and store owners that surround the White Swan. Most learn simply by immersion - the volume of English speaking visitors over the years has made it both possible and necessary. There is a young woman, Stella, who works in a small gift shop out side the hotel called "Home of Love". She speaks English particularly well. I asked her where she learned it and her answer was simply "right here!".

Another, particularly welcome, difference between Guangzhou and Nanning is that the AC in our hotel room actually works. Our room is Nanning was particularly warm. Even when it was 65 degrees outside, our room was never below 78. The last couple of days in Nanning it got into the high 80s and that made things even worse. Guangzhou is even hotter (think DC in July) , and more humid... but at least our AC works right. I am still not sure of the AC in Nanning was broken, or whether energy shortages dictated that things like AC be sacrificed. I suspect a little of both.

Yesterday we did our visa paperwork and Grace had her physical. Everything is OK... she's gained about a pound and a half, and an inch and a half since our last medical update (which was dated 3/4). She's eating regularly and sleeping well, but I suspect that we'll have to make some big changes to her diet when we get home. She's underweight and is a bit malnourished. Nothing, however, exceptional was found and other than her weight she is in very good health.

Today was a bit of a free day - there was a city tour planned, but most of the folks in our group opted not to go. We're all wiped out from a week of parenting on the road. Of the 10 families in our group, only 3 went on the tour. I think there will be more participation in tomorrow's event, pearl factory tourn.

We did, however, participate in another Chinese adoption tradition - the "Red Sofa" pictures. The White Swan lobby is nicely decorated with red velvet sofas. It's become a tradition for families and groups to pose for family photos on them when they stay at the White Swan. Amazingly, we were able to get all 10 babies to sit still on the couch long enough to get a good group shot!

One leg closer

We left Nanning and Guangxi Province yesterday for the next leg in our journey - Guangzhou. Our last few days in Nanning were uneventful, though we did spend some time touring the local cultural museum, parks and a local Buddhist temple.

The thing that struck me the most, however, was just the people. Not for the differences, but for the similarities. In fairness, most of the folks we were exposed to were decidedly middle class. Our hotel was situated very close to the major retail districts of Nanning and there were many people visiting the area because of the annual Qing Ming holiday (known to some as Grave Sweeping Day). It was clear many were in town to shop. China's middle class is becoming more and more consumer oriented and it's growing fast. They have their department stores, shopping malls, Super Wallmarts, celebrity endorsements, and kids racing down grocery store aisles just like we do. The Chinese middle class may not be as large or as accessible to all segments of society as ours is, but even that is changing.

Nanning, however, is behind us now. As we left, Karen started to cry because she realized that Grace was leaving her birth place possibly never to return. I think we'll come back when Grace is older, though. Grace handled it better - only really getting upset as we started to land and the cabin pressure changed. A bottle helped some. Her big challenge came later when she awoke from her nap and was in (once again) another strange place. It wasn't quite so bad this time, but it was a shock for her - one she'll have to repeat just one more time.

Guangzhou is now ahead of us. This is where we will complete the visa process that will allow Grace to enter the US as a legal immigrant, and then immediately become a citizen as soon as we step of the plane in LA. All of this is just a formality - forms to be filled out, documents to be verified. Grace is ours now, legally and emotionally. However, it does take several days, so here we are for the next week.

Guangzhou is a much larger and more cosmopolitan place than Nanning. Life in Nanning seems quiet by comparison. Guangzhou is also the place where every adoptive parent must come in order to complete the same process we're working through. There were 10 families in Nanning, but here it's impossible to count. Every family, no matter what their agency, comes here.

There must be over 100 families here all adopting children of various ages. Most of them are staying in the same place - the White Swan Hotel. It's a very nice hotel if a little dated, but it's particularly famous in the adoption community. Of the thousands of adoptive families that have come to China from the USA in the past 15 years, I would not be suprised if 2/3 of them came through the White Swan... people some times refer to it as the White Stork.

As the focal point for all Chinese adoptions by Americans, Guangzhou has developed a small cottage industry serving the needs of adoptive families. There is a wide variety of baby merchandise, family services, western restaurants, etc, all here to serve the needs of adoptive families. In fairness, this would be a destination whether or not Chinese adoptions were so popular. Guangzhou is a principal city for trade and commerce and hosts a number of key trade and industry shows each year. However, the popularity of Chinese adoption and the fact that Guangzhou is the only US Consulate which processes immigration visas have had an obvious impact on the character of this part of the city.

We're here for 5 days - we did our immigration paperwork today and have a physical for Grace this afternoon. Then it's just a short wait while the consulate issues her Visa. Once that's done, it's home... and one more big adjustment for Grace.

Settling In

Well, it's been a while since our last post - there just hasn't been time before now to do more than a few personal e-mails.

Gotchya Day was 3/31. That morning we signed several documents, including one agreeing to a 24 hour "Harmonious period" - basically they're giving you 24 hours to determine if you are bonding well with your child. When I first read this it kind of seemed a bit silly to expect the child to form a bond that quickly (ours was instantaneous). I was wrong.

Grace's first couple of hours were relatively easy - neither she nor any of the babies cried at all when presented to us. We came back to the hotel and she fell asleep in my arms. I laid her down in the crib and she slept for about 30 minutes... then the fun began.

When Grace woke up she was confused, scared and screaming what in baby talk must translate to "where the heck am I and who are you people!?" She was inconsolable; nothing we did could calm her down. We did give her a bottle and she took it easily - in fact, she had two that afternoon. That's pretty good given a lot of children shut down entirely... better yet, feeding is bonding. Still, she would not stop crying when she was alone with us. She was ok when I walked her around, or when we were with other people - such as when we all got together for the family photo that goes on our official Chinese adoption certificates. She finally tired herself out and went to bed at her normal time (8:00pm).

She slept through the night and woke up an entirely different baby. She was still wondering who these strange people were, but she was calm. Good thing too since we had a busy morning schedule. Day two is when you finalize the adoption - at least where Chinese law is concerned. Our first appointment was with a Chinese adoption official - basically a short interview where they once again confirm we're doing this willingly, why we're doing it, that we will love, feed, protect and educate our child and, that we will never abuse or abandon her.

While waiting for our turn with the adoption officials, we got to meet the nannies who cared for Grace at the orphanage. There were two of them - one older and one younger. Interestingly, it seems they both spoke different languages. The babies were known in the orphanage by their middle names - Jiao in our daughter's case. The older lady referred to our Grace using the Mandarin pronunciation - which seems to rhyme with "meow" but with a G. The yonger woman, however, used the Cantonese form; which sounds more like "goo" (but not quite). We're told that Cantonese is what the babies are most likely to respond to and we've been trying to use her Cantonese name - slowly introducing "Grace" and "Emily Grace".

While we were all waiting our respective turn with the official, the nannies worked the room. Our guides introduced them to each of the parents and they helped translate any questions we had for them. We did find out that while none of Grace's crib neighbors were adopted recently, some are due to be adopted in the next month.

During all this time Grace was calm and happy. I was even able to make her laugh. Through this, and the next appointment with the passport officer, she was calm and alert. She took about 5 bottles all day (her normal amount) and seemed to be settling in. So it seemed like 24 hours made a big difference.

Today, though was yet another experience. We did a bad thing last night and let her stay up an hour later than normal. She had to be woken up this morning and she did not like it. She took her first bottle without any objections, but was cranky as we got her dressed and packed up to go on a group shopping trip.

Then her attitude changed. She was OK while we were in Wallmart, but still a little fidgety and cranky. We wrote it off to being tired. Then we went across the street to McDonald's for a quick lunch... that's when it began. She got more and more cranky and fidgety, and she would not take her bottle.

Thinking she might just be wet, Karen changed her diaper and that seemed to help. She started to eat again and Karen left me with her in McDonald's while she went to one of the nearby department stores. About 5 minutes after she left the crying began again... whining mostly at first.

Then I felt it and smelled it. Not 10 minutes after Karen changed her, she had her first poopy diaper. Of course, I am alone, in McDonald's, surrounded by people who whose language I do not speak. I had also only changed one diaper so far and that with Karen's help.

I thought I could ride this out and wait for Karen to return and bail me out. No such luck. With each passing minute, Grace's cries got louder and more desperate. I knew what needed to be done, but I didn't know where to do it (no changing tables in the restrooms) and I didn't know where in our diaper bag all the things I needed were (I'll not make that mistake again).

Finally some of the other folks from our group arrived and one of them loaned me a diaper and some wipes. Unneccessary had I been familiar with our own diaper bag... but a god send at the time. So, our daughter passes one of her first post placement milestones (first poopy diaper) and I pass one of my first daddy milestones (first public, unassisted, diaper change).

Unfortunately Grace was still kind of cranky and out of it... as we later learned, this episode was just the start. She was actually kind of blocked up and that was causing her a lot of distress. What happened in McDonald's was just a little relief. When we got home, though, everything resolved itself and she's back to being happy, playful and hungry.

So, it's been a whirlwind 48 hours, but things are starting to settle in to a pattern. I think, with a little more time and a lot more sleep, things are going to be OK!

The next few days are spent mostly being tourists. There are no more official activities to be done in Nanning. We're just here waiting for Grace's passport to be issued and then it's off to Guangzhuo and her appointment with the US government to get her immigration visa.